Well hello there! Forgive me readers for I have sinned, it has been 22 days since my last post. For that I am sorry and now promise to deliver you what I hope is a very entertaining rant.
Television…everybody loves it, we all gotta have it, and thanks to social media we can discuss it ad nauseam even if we have no real life friends. But there comes a point when people are absolutely sick of hearing about the cool new shows they should be watching and if said shows are not being watched you now deserve a punishment up to and including death by Facebook comments. I’m over it. The memes, the quotes, the Zimbio quizzes (seriously who the hell is this Zimbio person?), it’s all just become too much.
So with this in mind here are the shows I no longer want to exist thanks to overzealous fans:
1. Game of Thrones
Ok So I don’t know if you’ve heard but apparently winter is coming and it’s a very big deal. What I CONSTANTLY hear about this show: there’s a chick with dragon eggs, there’s a guy who wants to have relations with his sibling, there’s a teenage king that everybody hates, and something about a red wedding. I wasn’t sure if the theme of the wedding is red or if it’s a wedding full of red heads but the color is emphasized. I get it folks…Lord of the Rings was done and you can’t show boobs in Harry Potter movies so you jumped head first into this show but seriously, give it a rest already! I don’t want to know what House you belong to and I don’t care that your favorite character got killed off the show a la The Sopranos. Just watch your show and move on!
2. House of Cards
You lost me at political thriller. I mean really you guys, an exciting show about corrupt government? I live that everyday I don’t need a TV show rubbing it in my face. Kevin Spacey is like running for evil world overlord or something but the show keeps coming back to this guinea pig? Yes…I said guinea pig. Kudos to Netflix for realizing that people watch it more than cable and coming up with creative shows but the constant posts about what basically boils down to a dramatic version of the West Wing has reached its unfunny point.
The main character of the show is somebody’s mistress and everyone is all “Good for you girl!” NO, not good for you girl! I have seen articles about whether or not Fitzgerald and whatever Kerry Washington’s character’s name is are going to make it as a couple and I’m all…isn’t he the very married president of the United States on that show? You call her when you have a tricky situation and she fixes it but she can’t manage to fix her love life? Hmm I think I’ll pass, thanks.
4. Dr. Who
There is just so much that I could say about the extreme level of nerd that exists around this show. For the love of all that is sacred what the HELL is a Tardis? And there’s not one doctor there’s like 16 but he’s the same guy just different people at the same time, and he travels through time to like heal people or fix things…or something? I really have no idea what that show is about but I think it’s set in space and I am pretty sure you have to be willing to give up your first born child in order to call yourself a fan. I don’t wanna watch it, I don’t want anything to do with it, I don’t want to know about Dr. Who themed novelty gifts. They call themselves Whovians, and that should tell you all you need to know right there.
5. (The) Walking Dead
This show made a red neck with a crossbow a sex symbol. There’s a zombie apocalypse and this guy voluntarily chose a crossbow as his main weapon of defense. How unwieldy are those things? And he rips the sleeves off of his shirt…that’s like trying to make Larry the Cable Guy sexy. Knock it off you’re being ridiculous! Where did the zombies come from, who knows. Why is everyone constantly moving instead of just staying in one place and building a fortress, your guess is a as good as mine. Why the tacky melodrama of a woman cheating on her husband because she thought he was dead, ratings I guess. It’s a zombie show…they spend the whole hour trying not to get eaten, every week, over and over.
That’s right I said it! The show only had one season and it came out over a decade ago. MOVE ON ALREADY! I mean seriously I saw the movie Serenity and it wasn’t that great. They’ve got weird names, a weird group dynamic, and people have been dragging the popularity of this show out for way too long. There is a buttload of space/future based shows! Stop kneeling at the feet of Joss Whedon already before we get another Angel or something. If you haven’t moved on to J.J. Abrams by now then something is wrong with you!
I could keep going with the list but I don’t want to beat a dead horse here. Besides I need to go and watch this episode of Justified (now this is a show people should be talking about!)
Amber Mosby “Forgive me if I don’t get excited…”