By the Gods I think I am losing my mind
Yes, that is a very melodramatic way to start a blog and yes this red wine that I am drinking is heavy on my tongue but I really think I am about to snap. This past summer and this semester have been kicking my ass and I don’t know what to do about it anymore. I got knocked over the head with two phases of Mercury retrograde, started a new job, started fieldwork for my masters, got involved with someone (sort of), continued to be involved with someone from the past (also sort of) and now every day I wake up and count the number of hours I have until I can get back in bed and go to sleep.
Is this what adulthood is like for everyone?
It can’t always be this way can it? This is a constant cycle of “what the fuck am I gonna have to put up with next” and I gotta tell you folks I’m not having any fun. Yes I still make time to party and I do mean “make”. I don’t find time to party…I take a giant metaphorical ax and I chop away at the tasks and hours until I find full blocks of time to get drunk and fondled. I sacrifice sleep, and study time, push back minor priorities (that end up becoming major priorities) so that I can numb my mind for just a little while.
I’m seeing a therapist now. Mind you the therapy is required by my graduate program (can’t get the masters without it) but surprisingly I am finding that this shit might actually help me! All I can see is time running away from me, like it’s wearing the most expensive Nike trainers and is in full marathon mode…I can’t catch up with it. I haven’t even had time to write. I’ve got four separate projects just collecting dust and all I can manage to do is pack another bowl on my hookah (with tobacco) and pour another glass of this sweet red.
Never in a million years did I think that all I would really want when I got older was more time to sleep. I’m all kinds of heartbroken over this. Cue the music
Amber Mosby “Forgive me if I don’t get excited..”