Well hello there! Two months it has been and I must say that I have missed you. I wanted to write something full of my usual snark and foul language but I got a little stuck because I was very worried about repeating myself. No one wants to read the same blog over and over amirite?
Today I have realized a subject I have been wanting to discuss for quite some time and that subject is the notion of the Millennial. For those of you who don’t know, and if you don’t then you’re probably a millennial, this term applies to anyone born between the years of 1980 and 1995. Some say it stretches all the way up to 2000 but that’s neither here nor there so let’s not get hung up on the minor details. Color me surprised when I discovered as one of the people born in the oh so awesome year of 1985, that I fell into a group that included people like Vine stars and Instagram celebrities. Someone like me who only has 160 Twitter followers (mostly other writers pushing their product like aggressive Girl Scouts) fall into this most mocked and misunderstood group of youngsters.
Remember back when Hipsters first hit the scene with their Fedoras and scarves in the middle of a warm day, micro-brewed beers that taste awful and DIY projects that have convinced everyday people that they can build their own homes from scratch? We mocked those guys, it wasn’t cool to be one of those guys and then not being a hipster became the new hipster way of life. Is being a “millennial” just another of the latest crazes?
Let’s take a look at what I call the Rules to Being A Successful Millennial:
- You must be on a least 3 social platforms: Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, SnapChat, Pinterest, Reddit are a few examples. Some might say “who needs all that?” But I say with this much access to one another’s lives we are removing secrecy and subterfuge. Folks can no longer hide from one another which makes things a lot harder for bullshiters (ignoring all the seasons of Catfish of course). PLUS everyone wants to hear what you think and how you feel about EVERYTHING. Trust me on this one.
- Using the phrase “First World Problems” to mock yourself. This type of self-deprecation is crucial because it forces Millennials to recognize all the fantastic things available to them while also providing the guilt of being 100% aware of how pointless their complaints are. Can’t drink water unless it’s in a glass bottle? It’s ok, just call yourself a jerk because you know you sound like a douche.
- Embracing Socialism is a must. Wasn’t Obama so cool? Isn’t it awesome the way Bernie Sanders is saying all the things you want to hear? Democratic socialism is the answer baby and damn what anybody else thinks! We are Millennials…we get it because we’re young and we no longer want to be boxed in. Free healthcare, free education, keep those welfare benefits, just don’t take it out of my paycheck because I shouldn’t have to be the one to pay for this? I want these things, but I have no real concept of they work because my school system failed to teach me how to be an adult in a struggling economy. What does cost of living even mean?
- Having the latest gadgets and fads tell us who you are as a person. If your phone is a year old then you are already failing at life. Things are getting smaller and then bigger and then smaller and then even bigger and if you are not updating your tech regularly then you risk the chance of falling behind everyone around you. You must NEVER fall behind. This is the new status symbol…even broke people have the new iPhone so there is no excuse for why you think this is unnecessary because it isn’t. Over priced headphones that suck (looking at you Beats), hoverboards that make you look like a complete asshole, clothing that makes you look like an extra in the Mad Max films (making fun of Kanye here) and Ray Bans, always Ray Bans are the basics. You must be constantly ready to spend the money you work so hard for to match those around you.
- When in doubt, remember that none of this is your fault. It’s not your fault that you were born during the boom of technology that was going to change the way we communicate and function in almost every aspect of our lives. It’s not your fault that white privilege is no longer being swept under the rug. It’s not your fault that anybody can say anything they want at any time with no sense of responsibility. It’s not your fault that college ended up being a waste of time and student loan debt is killing your spirit. It’s not your fault that the really cool idea you had for an arts and crafts shop has been done to death and you’re not really that creative. But most of all, it’s not your fault that no one recognized that the world you were sent out into has never been seen before and that no one really knows how to handle it.
So what’s my point here? Truth be told I’m not really sure. This generation of people have advantages that are mind blowing but have also been handicapped in ways that I am not sure we can recover from. Everything has shifted and it’s kind of time to nut up or shut up so get with it. Just remember, Millennial and Proud…that’s an X-Men reference. Lol, smiley face because Millennials love smile faces, and that’s a Boondocks reference.
Amber Mosby “Forgive me if I don’t get excited…”